The Bedtime Talk That Made Me Rethink My Parenting Style

“Mumma, are you proud of me when I don’t do things right?”

Did I create a growing child, who felt emotionally safe at home? Or was I unknowingly attaching her worth to her successes?

The Surprise Wake-Up Call

That night, I slept poorly.

I imagined our interactions the next day. Did I connect with her over praise, simply for doing something well, and criticize her too quickly, just because things were not great? Did I really listen to her attempts to express something almost imperceptible?

Her bedtime question was not about behaviour but about belonging, acceptance, and unconditional love.

In the stillness just before I was putting her down, and in the warm glow of our routine, is the moment where my 6-year-old daughter uttered this question quietly to me. The innocence of her small voice in a dark room seemed to evoke something in me. 

I assumed like many parents that I was doing everything correctly—prepared for school, provided healthy meals, promoting after school activities, limited screen-time, and the list goes on and on. Yet, a simple question jolted me. 

What It Taught Me About Parenting

That one small moment taught me more than any parenting book has ever taught me: 

Children crave emotional validation, far more than verbal praise.

Discipline is important, but so is gentle assurance.

What I Changed the Next Day?

Instead of telling my daughter: "Good job!" only after she was successful, I started saying: 

"I love how curious you are." 

"I love that you are being yourself, you don't have to be perfect." 

"I'll always be here for you, even when you're upset or angry." 

We shifted our discussions before bed away from to-do's and warnings to feeling, dreams, and fears connected conversations.

Why Every Parent Should Have a Bed Time Routine

Bedtime can be an amazing time to build emotional connection, if we let it! So, here's what worked for us:

5 minutes of uninterrupted talk time before bed

Open-ended questions like: "What was the best part of your day?" or, "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Refusing to give those last-minute lectures; replacing them with soft reminders and loving words.

Final Thoughts

That bedtime whisper changed me. Not overnight, but slowly. It helped me to become a parent to listen more, react less, and connect more.

So next time your child, brings something up at bedtime, that seems so small - stop. That small moment might be the moment that changes it all.